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No. 130: JUL-AUG 2000

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The Wimpatch

We cannot honestly include this item with our usual digests of scientific articles, but there is a certain relevance.

The modern workplace has become increasingly uncomfortable for macho males. Today's offices place a premium on submissive teamwork, bland reliability, submissive politeness-to ail, and, especially, the strict avoidance of speculative glances at female coworkers. In other words, wimpishness is valued highly in the modern office environment.

For those males not naturally wimpish, biochemists at DREADCO [a fictitious research group] is developing a skin patch that leaks a testosterone antagonist into the bloodstream. This device will be called a "Wimpatch" when it reaches the marketplace. The macho male applies the patch in the morning and shrinks into a submissive, sexless team player at work. After 5:00, he removes the patch and restores his normal testosterone levels.

(Jones, David; "Danger! Men at Work," Nature, 404:950, 2000.)

Comment. The Wimpatch idea is scientifically sound and will be an excellent substitute for the some consumed in Brave New World. Next, the DREADCO chemists should develop a skin patch that insures that society will never again be afflicted by Paula, Swedenborgs, Mozarts, and similar misfits. This could be called a "Conformipatch."

From Science Frontiers #130, JUL-AUG 2000. 2000 William R. Corliss

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